The Father of My Children

I thought I was searching for the mother of my children, but I need to find their father first.

My father never taught me this rule. He didn’t teach me much of anything when it came to women.

This was not something I was used to. “The rules” didn’t have anything about this.

Not her, but that’s about how she was looking at me.

I could have said any number of things to make Very Attractive Younger Woman feel okay about continuing to flirt with me and maybe more.

Sex was missing.

Dee had decided that we wouldn’t get married, and she was in charge.

Having the one person I loved and trusted most, whose acceptance I most relied on, reject me in such a fundamental way… I didn’t realize for a long time just how badly that fucked with my head.

If you want to get more sex, maybe try making yourself more attractive.

Dee loved the changes in me. She wrote me a touching handwritten letter telling me how she’d never felt closer to me.

Does this actually work? How’s that working out for you?

If I wanted to get my needs met, I needed to try something different. I needed to try being in charge.

I was like a starving man with a plate of poisoned food in front of me.

The more I improved myself, the more I liked myself.

My old ceiling has become my new floor.

Son, if she’ll agree to three years without intercourse, she’s not going to suddenly turn out to be a sex maniac just because you change YOUR mind.

Well, it sounds like she’s saying all the right words. But what’s she DOING? That’s what you’ve got to pay attention to, son. Her words don’t matter. Her actions do.

Son, quit worrying about whether she likes you enough to fuck you, and start worrying about whether you like yourself. Once you get that figured out, either she’ll fuck you or someone else will.

You’ve let her be in charge of the relationship the whole time. Is that getting you what you want? How’s that working out for you? Sounds like time to try something else.

Son, it’s okay for you to want sex. It’s not okay for her to shame you for wanting sex. What she said to you was unacceptable, and if I were you I’d be seriously rethinking whether you want someone like that in your life.

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